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JOHN CORIGLIANO:
Better Than a Punch in the Face
A huge benefit of being a music theory major is the exposure to and study of so-called "classical" music. My composition classes have required me to listen to... John Corigliano... great American composer... famous and all that... blah, blah, blah... call me, I'm free this Saturday... tastes great with chicken... polluting our oceans... Hilary Duff.
My first encounter with John Corigliano's music was a couple years ago. I heard his Cage-influenced "Music for Prepared Piano, Voice, and Tenor Saxophone." Though my ears weren't quite ready for it, I could tell I had cancer.
Hundreds of thousands of Americans die from cancer every year. Isn't it time you did something to help? Together, we can find a cure.
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My Phone Interview with John Corigliano
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MJM:
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Hello, Mr. Corigliano. Thanks for agreeing to do this.
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JC:
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...
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MJM:
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I'm a big fan of your music.
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JC:
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I'm a big fan of your music.
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MJM:
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Really? Where have you heard my stuff?
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JC:
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Really? Where have you heard my stuff?
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MJM:
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Uh... why are you repeating everything I say?
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JC:
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Uh... why are you repeating everything I say?
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MJM:
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Mr. Corigliano, what are you doing?
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JC:
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Mr. Corigliano, what are you doing?
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MJM:
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Stop it, please!
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JC:
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Stop it, please!
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MJM:
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Would you cut that out?
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JC:
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Would you cut that out?
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MJM:
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[long pause] I'm an idiot.
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JC:
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Yeah, I guess you are. And I was kidding earlier. I really don't like your music.
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MJM:
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Uh... ok, then. Could you talk a little about your compositional process?
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JC:
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Sure. As you well know, I am a Jewish American. I think Israel deserves our blind, unwavering support for their military actions in the Middle East. America needs an agressive foreign policy that is uncompromisingly pro-Israel, because the Jews are, after all, God's chosen people.
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MJM:
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Uh... ok... How exactly do these —
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JC:
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I hate the French.
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MJM:
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— views affect you as a composer?
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JC:
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Well, I don't write for French horn anymore. Only Freedom horn will do. I've also had some success at Juilliard, where I teach composition. With the permission of the Chair of the Music Division, I have removed French fries and French toast from all the school cafeterias.
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MJM:
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What I meant to say... er, was trying to ask —
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JC:
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Hey, what's the difference between a trombone player and a pizza?
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MJM:
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I'm trying to talk about your music here!
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JC:
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A pizza can feed the family.
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MJM:
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Mr. Corigliano, if you don't want to discuss your music, maybe we should do this another time.
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JC:
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That's fine. I was about to go Freedom kiss my wife anyway.
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MJM:
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Uh... you're not married. Wait a second, aren't you gay?
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Pulitzer Prize, Indeed!
I was a little weirded out by the phone interview. Corigliano came on pretty strong with all that pro-Israel stuff — so strong in fact, I thought he was playing a joke at my expense. That is, until I saw the Pulitzer Prize winners for 2001. Look closely at the following:
John Corigliano (1938-)
Symphony No. 2 for String Orchestra
Jo hn Co rig li ano (19 38-)
Sym pho ny N o. 2 fo r S tring Orch est ra
h r i l a ( 3 8 - S p n o f r t r i n O e s r a
Did you see the hidden message? No?
Rearrange the letters and take another look:
ariel SharOn for pr3si8(-nt
Holy crap! John Corigliano wants Ariel Sharon to be the next pr3si8(-nt, or President of the United States. No wonder he won the Pulitzer Prize! Do you guys remember when John Nash won the Nobel Peace Prize for all that Jewish "game theory" stuff, and got his own movie starring Russell Crowe? Put all the pieces together. John Corigliano's militant Semitism is part of an elaborate scheme to get Ron Howard to make "A Beautiful Mind 2: Corigliano's Song" starring Russell Crowe as the Pulitzer Prize-winning composer!
Buried Alive?
Is John Corigliano dead? What the crap is going on here?
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So Corigliano is a musical genius. But what impresses me most about him is that he was obviously buried alive inside a giant piano, I think. Actually, I don't know that for sure. I have no idea. What is happening in this picture? Does anybody know? This is driving me crazy! Is anyone there? Hello?
Murray James Morrison
Spring 2005
Click here to read the serious tribute to John Corigliano.
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1st Movement: Two Gigantic Chainsaws