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FINDING A NYC APARTMENT Yesterday, after about a week of searching, I finally found an apartment in New York. Have any of you tried to do this? It ain't fun, believe me. You spend about a third of your day on craigslist, a third of your day on email and voicemail, and the last third riding up and down the New York subway lines. Over and over again. Until you find a place. It's like having a bad girlfriend experience five times a day for a week. Messages don't get returned. Would-be roommates are vague, emotional, noncommittal. Others are downright crazy. A few of the memorable exchanges I've had: ***
#1 - The guy who yelled at me suddenly and without provocation. (Sunnyside, Queens) ME: I like this neighborhood. What's it like at night? GUY: It's nice, quiet. Very safe. A lot of families live here. ME: And there's laundry? GUY: Two blocks away. There are Greek restaurants, laundry services, everything. It's a great neighborhood. ME: Nice. What can you tell me about the last guy who lived here? GUY: That guy! Oh, that guy!! He had parties in here all the time! I can't put up with that!! One time, his friend came into the house. I don't know this guy. He walked right past me. I CALLED THE COPS ON HIS ASS!! ME: Uh, ok. So you have a guest policy? GUY: Once in a while is ok. Though I prefer you don't bring people into the house... ME: Like at all? GUY: Yeah. Like I said, once in a while is ok. But if your girlfriend starts living here, that bitch better be paying rent!!! ME: Thank you. ***
#2 - A musician. (Washington Heights, Manhattan) Gotta love musicians. This guy "gave" me his Washington Heights apartment, before giving it to someone else an hour later. As in he "promised" me his place and then found another roommate anyway. By the time he finally told me, it was the next day. This is a huge pain. In the New York housing market, a day not spent looking for apartments is a small eternity. Any listings that interested you are buried. Any place you've called or visited goes to someone else. A day after "getting" my Washington Heights apartment, I was without leads, without appointments, without lodging. So thanks, musician buddy. Kisses for you XOXO ***
#3 - Maria, the persistent. (Somewhere in Brooklyn) [my phone rings] ME: Hello? MARIA: Come to look at my place? ME: I'm sorry, who is this? MARIA: Maria. Would you come to look at my place? ME: What place is this? MARIA: Brooklyn. $500, your own apartment, everything included. ME: Uh, Maria... I don't remember sending you an email. MARIA: Come to look at my place? ME: I'm sorry. I'm busy now. We'll have to talk later. [two hours later] ME: Hello? MARIA: Come to look at my place? ME: Is this Maria? MARIA: Yes, Maria. ME: Maria, I never contacted you. MARIA: $500. ME: $500? MARIA: Your own place, $500. ME: Not interested. MARIA: $500. ME: Ok, Maria. You're asking $500? Why is the rent so low? MARIA: It's a good place. You'll see. Come today, I wait for you. $500. ME: I'm sorry, I'm not interested. MARIA: I wait for you, ya? ME: No. Don't call here again. ***
#4 - The Czechoslovakian with the thick Czech accent. (East Village, Manhattan) [Aside from two framed pictures and an old couch, this apartment is completely bare. No lamps, chairs, posters—nothing.] ME: So how long have you lived here? CZECH: Four years. ME: Four years? But where's all your stuff? CZECH: This is my apartment. I like it clean. ME: Uh... CZECH: That's the rule. Has to be clean. ME: Ok. Well, why don't I tell you a little bit about myself? CZECH: [silence] ME: So I work for New York University. My boss is the director of Jazz Studies, and I— CZECH: What you do for money is your business. I don't ask questions. All I care is that the rent is on time. You must pay your rent by the 1st of the month. ME: Ok. Not a problem. And what do you do? CZECH: [silence] ME: What do you do for a job— CZECH: You don't ask questions. You have your life. I have mine. I don't ask you questions about your life. So you don't ask me questions. All I want is you keep a clean apartment, and rent by the 1st of the month. Do you understand? ME: Yes I understand. Thank you. Sorry. ***
#5 - My future roommate. (Woodside, Queens) ME: Hi, sorry I'm late. Nice to meet you. I'm Murray James. PETER: I'm Peter. ME: Are you Chinese? PETER: Yes. ME: Äã»á˵ÖÐÎÄÂ𣿠[ni hui shuo zhongwen ma] PETER: What?? You speak Chinese?!? And the conversation went uphill from there. Turns out, Peter is from Beijing. He works for a Chinese legal firm in Flushing. His previous tenant was a woman from Taiwan, and a man from Jiangsu before that; the last thing he expected was a white guy who spoke Mandarin. He offered me the place on the spot. I never expected that a summer in China and a girlfriend or two would help me find apartments in New York City. Decent apartments, too. $650/month. All utilities, cable and internet included. Nice size room, fully furnished. A small place but clean, in a good neighborhood. Tasty restaurants nearby. 30 minutes from downtown Manhattan. Now this may not sound like the deal of a lifetime, especially if you're not from New York. The place is not palatial or free or anything like that. Around here, though, it's pretty darn good. I mean, at least I'm not living in Jersey. -murrayjames 08/30/08 |