Tappy always wanted to go to the Center of Zapotec, but his mother wouldn’t let him. “Tappy,” she would say, “it is far too dangerous.”

But Tappy was defiant.

One dark winter night, after his parents were asleep, he slipped out of the house and began an arduous 2600-mile trek to Zapotec! He took his father’s #9 Iron for protection.

It wasn’t long, however, before Tappy ran into some serious trouble. On Day 18, he came across a fork in the road. It was guarded by six giant stealth ninjas!

“You should have listened to your mother,” they taunted, “because we cannot allow you to pass.” But Tappy bribed them.

Eventually, Tappy reached Zapotec. The Zapotec Customs Official, Admiral Helichoppy, stopped him at the border.

“You aren’t from around these parts,” Helichoppy exclaimed, “and I refuse to let you into the Zapotec mainland. You should have listened to your mother.”

But Tappy was no ordinary son of his mother. He dispatched the Admiral and entered the Zapotec mainland.

Something was awry. The Center of Zapotec was inaccessible – surrounded by blue abyss! But Tappy was prone to spontaneous fits of genius.

He went to the local pawnshop and traded in his father’s #9 Iron for a cardboard box. Then he climbed inside and mailed himself to the Center of Zapotec.

Unfortunately, Tappy didn’t pay enough postage, and the package was rerouted to his mother, who was emotionally hurt by her son’s disobedience.

“Your father’s golf game has been terrible since you left,” she scolded.

Although he fantasized about it for the rest of his life, Tappy never made it to the Center of Zapotec. Whenever he spoke about his journey, his mother would school him. She schooled him in microbiology, paleontology, and calculus.



Perhaps he should have listened to her after all.